Category: Stories

Earning the Keys

When Apollo aged out of foster care, he wasn’t quite ready to drive off into the sunset. He still had a lot of growing up to do, and unlike most eighteen-year-olds, he didn’t have parents continuing to coach him into adulthood. So Apollo moved into the Hutchens Campus of the MBCH Transitional Living Program, where he eagerly began applying himself to the work of growing and learning new skills.

While many teens leaving foster care struggle with lack of purpose, Apollo had a vision for his life that inspired him to constantly set and accomplish new goals. First, he found a job, where establishing a reputation as a hard worker affirmed his identity as a competent adult man. MBCH workers then guided him through the process of filing his taxes for the first time so that he could manage his personal finances in the future. With each step he took toward independence, Apollo felt more inspired to achieve his best and set a standard of excellence for other residents to follow.

One of Apollo’s primary goals while in the Transitional Living Program was to buy his own car. After a few years of working and saving up, Apollo became one of the first residents in six years to purchase a vehicle during his time in the program. Earning the money for himself made Apollo feel a sense of responsibility for his car rather than taking it for granted. He understood that car ownership required continual vigilance, discipline, and care, so he continued to maintain a savings account in order to afford any necessary repairs and worked every week to upgrade and improve his car. By following along with YouTube videos, he taught himself how to install a new sound system, transforming his simple used car into the vehicle of his dreams.

After graduating from high school, Apollo was accepted to Missouri State University. Soon, he’ll be moving out of the Transitional Living Program and into a dorm, where he plans to surround himself with hard-working peers while applying the determination he’s developed over the past few years to his college coursework. It will be bittersweet to see Apollo move out, as he’s become a source of strength and encouragement for everyone at the Hutchens Campus, but MBCH staff workers will remain closely connected to Apollo as he takes his next steps toward self-sufficiency.

This is the heart of the Transitional Living Program: by giving at-risk adolescents a safe place to stay as they find their path into adulthood, we keep them headed in the right direction during one of their most vulnerable seasons. From there, we surround them with love and encouragement as they develop a vision for their own unique future, with the goal of both teaching teens the practical skills necessary for success and helping them see themselves as capable learners and doers.

At MBCH, we’re committed to kids for the long haul, not just when they’re little. Love holds on with the steadiness that faith supplies until hope turns into substance before our eyes.

The Proof is in the Pudding

Michael hated foster care. He had supportive and loving foster parents, a committed MBCH Treatment Family Care support worker, and plenty of resources to help him work through his negative memories and build a positive future for himself. But Michael wasn’t interested in working on his treatment plan or developing independent living skills. Seventeen and cynical, he resented his life story and the transient living situations it had placed him in. All he could talk about was getting out of foster care—even though he had no plan for what came next.

The Treatment Family Care staff and Michael’s foster parents all worried about his upcoming transition. As eager as Michael was to start over on his own, the statistics for kids who age out of the foster care system are bleak, and Michael’s refusal to form a connection with his foster family or the MBCH staff didn’t bode well for his future. But ready or not, his eighteenth birthday came, and Michael stepped forward into independence without ever looking back.
For a while, Michael disappeared into his new life without responding to any of the caring texts or calls he received. Then one day, he surprised his former Treatment Family Care support worker by picking up.

It was a different Michael who chatted on the phone now. Happy and polite, he explained that he was living with his grandmother, who had become one of his best friends, and taking on the physical housework his grandfather used to do before his passing. Michael was surrounded by support; he worked with a close friend, enjoyed his job, and felt connected to his community.

The proof, they say, is in the pudding. Not every kid leaves foster care on a positive note, but the ultimate goal of MBCH support staff and foster parents is to invest in kids’ long-term wellness, rather than a singular feel-good moment. Even when we don’t see kids responding to the love and resources we invest in them, we continue to put their healing first, hoping they will one day use the skills they’ve learned through Treatment Family Care to achieve stability in adulthood.
Despite his earlier resistance to foster care, Michael is a success story. God used a path that felt uncomfortable to Michael at the time to prepare him for a purposeful and productive life marked by supportive family and hope.

We are all pieces of God’s plan for blessing those we come into contact with—but none of us is God’s whole plan for anyone. As painful as it can be to sow love, time, and attention into someone who never responds with gratitude or affection, God uses stories like Michael’s to humble us and remind us that He is the only One with the power to change lives.

His plan is bigger and better than any happy ending we could write. It is an honor just to sit and watch the wonders He performs as He works out redemption in one life at a time.

Love Melts the Heart

It was a cold day in February when Rae picked up Anna from the psychiatric hospital, but Anna shook her head no when Rae offered her a jacket. With short sleeves that showed off all the scars on her arms, Anna was a little too open, too exposed as she slouched into the passenger seat and twisted the cap off the water bottle Rae handed her.

It was a long drive to the MBCH residential facility where Rae, a Family Foster Care Specialist, was assigned to transport Anna. Small talk quickly snowballed into Anna’s life story; she had no reservations telling a complete stranger exactly how her mom’s boyfriend had assaulted her when she was just a kid. The worst part, Anna explained, was that her mom didn’t believe her. “She was supposed to keep me safe,” Anna said, her voice hard with bitterness, “but she chose him over me.”

It was clear that although Anna blamed her mom for all the years of turbulence she had endured, she was still longing for her mom’s acceptance. Now everywhere she went, she both begged for love and pushed away anyone who tried to give it to her. Alone in the cage of her memories, Anna needed everyone—and trusted no one.

Before long, Rae was driving Anna from the residential facility to a new foster home. Rae had already briefed Anna’s foster parents, Kyle and Lydia, on Anna’s history and how the trauma she’d endured had affected her. With the support and coaching of MBCH Foster Family Care, Kyle and Lydia chose careful communication techniques that provided the structure and safety Anna needed to start building healthier relationships than she’d known before.

Bad days still seemed to outnumber the good, but Kyle and Lydia patiently trusted that God would walk alongside them as they navigated the twists and turns of healing. Telling Anna that they loved her was easy, because they did. Kyle and Lydia knew that helping Anna feel that love also required putting in the work to support her through her emotions, doubts, and questions. Whenever Anna disappeared into distance, they waited for her, staying by her side without pushing too much so she’d know it was safe to come back out when she was ready. Kyle and Lydia wanted Anna to be part of their family forever, but they knew this was a decision Anna needed to make for herself.

It’s a bright day in April. Now Rae is the one to roll up her sleeves and roll down the windows as she flips through radio stations on her way to visit Anna, Kyle, and Lydia. Summer isn’t here yet, but it will be soon, and when it comes, Anna will be legally adopted into the family where she’s known she belonged for a long time now. Kyle and Lydia chose Anna, and the warmth of their acceptance spills out of her smile as she throws open the front door and welcomes Rae into her home.

I Love Him

“I may have to end this pregnancy,” Sandra said shakily, unsure how The LIGHT House staff would respond. With a life on the line, our pregnancy care support workers knew that love was the only way through.

Sandra was terrified of passing on the medical condition baked into her own DNA to a child. She had seen the condition’s devastating effects on several relatives, and she knew this was no way to live. Mercy, she concluded, meant sparing her baby from a lifetime of suffering before the pain could ever begin.

Instead of judging Sandra for thinking about terminating the pregnancy, The LIGHT House staff members came alongside her with empathy and kindness. They understood that her family’s medical history put her at risk of unusually great challenges and pain. Rather than make her feel isolated with cold lectures, the team pressed into relationship while speaking about her baby’s inherent value, regardless of his or her health.

Meanwhile, Sandra moved forward with testing to assess the risk of her baby being born with the condition. She had hoped for a girl so that her baby would have a much lower chance of inheriting the disease, but to her disappointment, the first test revealed that she was having a boy. Sandra nearly sank into despair at the unwelcome news, but the maternity home staff did their best to buoy her up with encouragement and prayer.

Sandra’s next test would reveal whether her son had the genetic anomaly. At the beginning of this appointment, a genetic counselor gave Sandra encouraging updates about new enzyme replacement treatments that could greatly improve an affected baby’s quality of life. Next, a technician ran a standardized ultrasound before it was finally time for Sandra to take the test that would determine whether her baby had inherited the condition—and whether her baby would live or die.

The LIGHT House care workers were praying in the waiting room when the door burst open and Sandra came out crying. Fearing the worst, one worker asked what had happened. Sandra surprised everyone by explaining that she hadn’t gone through with testing, after all. “It doesn’t matter,” she said. “I can’t end my pregnancy. I love my son, and I can’t lose him, no matter what.” Sandra slipped the ultrasound photo out of her pocket and pointed to her baby’s face, hands, and feet. “I love him,” she repeated. “This is my son.”

It was a different Sandra who returned to The LIGHT House maternity home for continued pregnancy care. She now knew the infinite value contained within every life, and she knew how much she loved her baby, no matter what challenges they’d face together. Sandra finally had hope for her and her baby’s future, as she knew that a diagnosis couldn’t contain all the plans that God had set for her son’s life.

When Sandra looked at her baby’s ultrasound, she didn’t see a possible disease—just her own heart expressed in a baby’s face, her love finally given a form and a name.

Being Commissioned To Love

February – the month of love! The world’s idea of love is often quite different from the type of love we learn about in the Bible, isn’t it? We all know what is referred to as the love chapter – 1 Corinthians 13. “Love is patient, love is kind . . .” In verse 7 it says that love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

At MBCH Children and Family Ministries (MBCH CFM) when we hire new staff there is a commissioning service. We emphasize that working at MBCH CFM is being on mission. Our mission statement says this: “MBCH Children and Family Ministries is committed to serving God by responding to the needs of children, youth, and families to make a lasting difference in their lives.”
In order to meet that mission and to work with troubled and traumatized youth and families as well as their often very heartbreaking situations, love (the love that comes from knowing and loving Christ) has to be in the equation. If this love isn’t there, we will fall apart ourselves and be of no help to those we seek to serve.

Love always protects: Working as a case manager in child welfare requires our staff to ensure the protection of children and youth. Parents, or caregivers sometimes have overwhelming problems such as substance abuse issues, or mental health issues that cause their children to be in harm’s way. One of our cases included a young child found wandering the street near her home. Her mom was unconscious due to a drug overdose. Our job was to find a safe place for that child until next steps could be determined.

Love always trusts and hopes: Trusting God and keeping hope alive can be challenging for staff when working with youth and families that have difficult circumstances. Can that mom overcome her drug addiction in order to care for her child whom she loves dearly? The one noted above, whose child was wandering the street, was not successful in that endeavor, but she did help her child understand the necessity of living with grandma until mom could get better. God finds a way (not always the way we thought it would be, but a way nevertheless) and so because of the love our staff have for their clients, they continue to trust and hope in God.

Love always perseveres: A youth that we were case managing was placed with one of our treatment foster parents. This young man had experienced so much trauma in his life. He was experiencing a flashback that caused him to be physically out of control, which endangered himself and others. The foster parent called the Treatment Foster Care Specialist who went to the home to assist. They could not get him to calm down. The foster parent and the specialist had been praying silently as they worked with the boy. The supervisor was called, and she said, “I’m praying right now that God will help him calm down.” Five minutes later that youth had calmed down enough that he could talk through his experience and receive help and care. Our staff persevere in often extremely difficult circumstances.

When a new employee is commissioned at MBCH CFM, he/she is sure to be involved in some challenging cases, but armed with the love of Christ that employee will be able to protect, trust, hope, and persevere. Please pray for our staff as they seek to make a lasting difference in the lives of children and families in need. If you or someone you know is being called to be on mission with us at MBCH Children and Family Ministries, please go to HR Resources or call 800-624-6224 and ask for HR.

Ramona Conrad-Cooper MSW, ACSW, LCSW

Vice President, MBCH Children and Family Ministries